


suburbia

by taeminki



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-13 20:49:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14120529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeminki/pseuds/taeminki
Summary: if you didn't meet your soulmate in the middle of the street waiting to get hit by a bus you're probably notreallyin love





	1. of lonely scars and midnight cars

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I wrote this because it's actually kind of heavy but it's also crack? dark humor ahead please be warned because there are **trigger warnings** : like suicide attempts, bad grammar, and mentioned abuse **!!**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yukhei's broken watch stops ticking at the same times as jungwoo's rotating one

yukhei stood in the middle of the road with his hands tucked into his pockets, head tilted back as he waited for the night sky to wet the skin of his face-- with rain or blood, whichever came first. he thought about how sad he was, waiting for death in the _middle of the road_. he thought about how sad life was-- or had become for him, because death was the easiest thing for him to achieve right now.

"what are you doing out here?"

the voice was so soft it almost _didn't_  scare yukhei. it made him jolt a bit; but other than that, yukhei didn't move. he looked in the direction of the voice and saw a pretty boy standing in front of him, head tilted to the side as he curious eyes flitted all the way down and then all the way up yukhei's silhouette. yukhei blinked at him, "um. nothing. please go away."

"I don't want to," the boy said. yukhei stared at him for a minute; then, "no, seriously, go away, please."

"standing in the road like this make me a little nervous, especially because it's so dark. aren't you nervous?" the boy asked. yukhei tried to glare at him; he'd heard, after all, that his glare was awful terrifying. but the boy didn't falter at all. he stared right back at yukhei with a soft expression and curious eyes. yukhei answered him with words when he decided his stare wasn't going to work, "no. I'm not nervous. since you _are_ , you should probably _leave_."

"come with me." the boy said. he held out a hand and yukhei looked at him incredulously, "are you kidding me? what part of go away don't you get?"

"the same part you don't seem to understand about the fact that we're soulmates."

"soulmates?!" yukhei shouted. he pulled up his sleeve and looked at his broken watch, and noticed that the hands had stopped ticking. he looked up at the boy with wide eyes; he grabbed his outstretched hand and pulled his sleeves over his wrists too. he noticed the hands on his watch were frozen, too; but what he noticed more were the splotchy red lines across his skin. yukhei turned his wrist over with some hesitation, and traced all the anger with his eyes-- shocked at the sight. he looked up at the boy. the boy didn't say anything.

"what--?" yukhei asked. he stopped himself altogether. this was a lot, he decided. this was a lot because he was standing in the middle of the road with a stranger, and he thought he was going to die tonight but he met the supposed love of his life instead-- and he felt it. he felt a connect to the boy and he felt his heart drop at the sight of his pain, the exact thing his heart _never_  did because he didn't care about other people because _everyone_  went through pain and he thought people should learn how to figure it out themselves. but then, look at him--standing in the middle of the road, waiting for someone _else_  to end his pain. pathetic. truly, pathetic.

"come on. I'm nervous," the boy said, and yukhei listened this time. he gripped his hand, and stared down at his exposed wrist, and followed him to the sidewalk-- and down the street and around a corner and down another street and into a 24/7 convenient store, where the boy pulled down his sleeve and greeted the cashier. the boy led him to a table and sat him down; the boy bought a few snacks and whispered something to the cashier and moved to sit with him. the boy began to open up a bag of crackers and munch on them. he offered yukhei a bag of chips. yukhei declined.

"what-- what's your name?" yukhei asked. the boy looked up-- just looked at him for a minute while he munched, and then he said "jungwoo."

"jungwoo. jungwoo, it-- it's nice to meet you jungwoo, um." yukhei cleared his throat, "I'm yukhei."

"nice to meet you, yukhei." jungwoo said. He looked into his bag of crackers and placed one in his mouth. he kept his eyes trained on his snack. he ate slowly, and he asked, "why were you standing out in the middle of the road?"

"um." yukhei said. he didn't want to answer that. jungwoo looked at him. he glanced at the cashier, who wasn't paying them any attention-- was in the shelves, rather, sorting out some of the snacks that had been knocked over by careless customers. jungwoo didn't let go of his back of crackers as he reached for his sleeve-- gripping it with his ring and his littlest finger, exposing just the surface of his scars as he told yukhei, "I'll tell you why I do this if you tell me why you were standing in the road."

"I wanted to die," yukhei said-- quick and blunt and finding that he did want to know why jungwoo hurt himself because he had a burning desire to _help_. his hands were reaching for jungwoo's arm; his fingers gripped his wrist gently and lay it against the table; he pulled the sleeve away from his wrist and asked, "why do you do this to yourself?"

jungwoo nervously looked to the cashier. he pulled his wrist away and cradled it to his chest.

"well, honestly, I'm depressed and I can't afford my medicine." jungwoo was playing with his watch-- turning it around on his wrist-- "and my step-mother doesn't care, and this makes me feel better, so. it makes me feel something, I guess. I don't know how to explain it."

"okay. that's okay. um," yukhei didn't know what to say next. how did he help with that? he could barely help _himself_. (maybe he wasn't so important, though.)

"you almost left me tonight." jungwoo said, a bitter laugh falling from his lips. he reached over to hit yukhei's shoulder, and faltered as yukhei flinched. jungwoo tilted his eyes down, twisting his watch around his wrist, still. "I, um -- I'm sorry."

"do you always do that?" yukhei asked, pointing to jungwoo's wrist. jungwoo frowned at him, and yukhei rephrased-- "your watch, I mean. do you always turn it?"

"when I'm anxious, yes. so -- most of the time." jungwoo laughed a little bit. he hid his hands beneath the table, and yukhei regretted pointing the habit out because he didn't want jungwoo to be shy about it, he was just curious. before he could say so, though, jungwoo asked, "why did you want to die?"

"well, uh. uh." yukhei stopped. jungwoo lifted his wrist again, "I'll tell you why I'm depressed--"

"I'm my dad's punching bag. um--" yukhei sighed. his shoulders fell, "honestly, I'm just-- exhausted."

jungwoo nodded. yukhei asked, "what about you, then? why do you--"

"they aren't real." jungwoo said. yukhei frowned. jungwoo laughed a little bit, "there's this thing about soulmates-- if one of them is hurting enough, their internal pain will show up as physical pain on their soulmate. I didn't understand that at first, so I was really confused when these started showing up on my wrists. I guess -- this is how you feel?"

jungwoo showed them to yukhei again. yukhei almost didn't believe him-- but when yukhei reached forward to touch them, there was no bump to his skin-- no swelling to the red scars. yukhei gawked at them. they weren't real? _that_  was how yukhei felt?

"I'm sorry." jungwoo said. he hid his wrists again; yukhei could see the lift of his biceps as he played with his watch, "you were suffering and I could never find you. I always -- I was scared you would go away. I was scared the scars would go away and--"

jungwoo started to cry. he brought his hands up to his eyes and covered them as he cried. his sleeves slipped down his arms, gathering at his elbows. his watch lay steady at the bottom of his wrist. he was shaking. he said "I lose everyone and I didn't want to lose you."

\-- and yukhei looked at jungwoo's wrists; and yukhei had made him feel like that.

"hey. I--" yukhei didn't know what to say. the cashier looked over and yukhei quickly rolled jungwoo's sleeves up for him-- covered them because jungwoo clearly didn't want that guy seeing them. he moved to sit next to jungwoo-- shield him from the cashier and the rest of the world. he wrapped his arms around jungwoo; he didn't know what to do. he was panicking a little because he didn't want jungwoo to cry. why? why did jungwoo have such an effect on him --? yukhei was so confused, and so overwhelmed--

and there were tears dripping from _his_  eyes before he knew it.

jungwoo looked at him-- saw the tears and smiled-- wiped them away and said "I think it'll be easier for us to mend ourselves with each other," and yukhei nodded, feeling his sympathy tears drip away from his chin. it will be easier.


	2. love is important to the lonely ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jungwoo and yukhei find a hotel that feels more like home than their respective houses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to add a little more to this? I don't know why.

"did you make it up?"

"hmm? make what up?"

"you're depressed and you can't afford your medicine. did you make that up?"

"oh? you remember that?" jungwoo started to laugh a little bit-- a bitter laugh that ghosted down yukhei's arms and sent chills down his spine. the two were laying together-- a night at a hotel, their first night together as soulmates. it happened to also be the first night they met. their conversation was still fresh in yukhei's mind-- all of them, including the one they'd had at the beginning, when jungwoo took him on a rollercoaster of _I hurt myself_  to _you did this to me_.

"I wasn't making that up." jungwoo said. he looked at his wrists. his fingers traced the scars. "but I don't hurt myself because of it. I just sleep a lot."

"do these hurt?" yukhei asked-- jumping subjects. jungwoo nodded, "they hurt like hell, actually, but only when they appear. I was really confused the first time. I cried."

"do you know why this happens?" yukhei said. he refrained from saying _I'm sorry_ because that wasn't going to solve anything and, really, it wasn't his fault. right? it couldn't have been his fault. he was hurt, too. jungwoo wasn't the only one.

"it's supposed to save us." jungwoo said. he looked up, "I read a lot about this, when these appeared. apparently, our futures were at risk because of what was happening to us. I could have lost you, and I could have been alone for the rest of my life. that's my worst fear--being alone."

yukhei's hand was around one of jungwoo's wrist; his finger slowly, slowly traced the scars.

"these are supposed to make us more aware of each other's pain. like--you're supposed to see these scars, and see that I'm hurting, and want to fix it. you're supposed to want to fix yourself because it hurts me, too." jungwoo said. he watched yukhei's fingers move along his scars, "which I think is strange. I think you should want to fix yourself for _you_ \--but I guess it makes sense, too. I guess we were fated to not want to fix ourselves-- we were fated to give up so fate gave us another chance. who knew love could be so important?"

"love is only _this_  important to people who are lonely." yukhei said. he tugged jungwoo's wrist to his mouth suddenly and kissed the scars upon his skin. he found himself emotional at the thought of _lonely_. yukhei had never considered himself lonely, but then, laying here with a stranger (although he _did_  know they were soulmates), he'd never felt _less_  lonely in his life, and he graduated in a class of 800.

"you're probably right." jungwoo said. he looked at yukhei again; and yukhei thought he looked beautiful, with his head just a little tilted, his eyes rolled upward as he looked at yukhei through his bangs-- "did you ever think love would be this important to you? important enough to want to save yourself?"

"definitely not." yukhei said. he found his fingers wandering again-- his palm laying over the back of jungwoo's hand, his fingers lacing through jungwoo's, "actually, I didn't think I'd ever fall in love. I thought my dad would break my watch before I could meet you. I thought I'd leave you lonely forever."

"I would have hated you a lot if you'd done that." jungwoo said. he began to curl-- curl in on himself, taking yukhei with him-- "I _hate_  being alone."

"how long have you been alone?" yukhei said. jungwoo laughed a bitter laugh. he felt tears drip onto his stomach; he heard a quiver in jungwoo's voice, "all my life."

yukhei pet jungwoo's hair. he stared at the back of his soulmate's head and wondered at him. he'd never felt this much care for anyone-- certainly not himself, but not his father, either. perhaps he could have felt this care for his mother if she was still alive. perhaps; but it really struck yukhei that he cared so much for someone who was still a stranger to him-- soulmates or not. soulmates or not, it still took more than an evening to fall in love.

"not anymore." yukhei said, comforting jungwoo's cheek with gentle fingers. jungwoo looked at him-- teary-eyed with a quivering mouth, and yukhei could promise him this much: "I won't let you be alone anymore."


	3. grow too quick, die too young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jungwoo hated to drag yukhei into his twisted end--but they _were_ soulmates....  
>  (perhaps yukhei was simply fated the same way.)

"do you want to run away with me?"

jungwoo asked yukhei at a vulnerable time-- in which yukhei was sitting on the grass outside of jungwoo's house, dead of night. he hadn't needed to toss rocks at jungwoo's window to get his attention. jungwoo was already awake, and came outside when he sensed something was wrong. yukhei's lip was bleeding. his eye was swelling. he was crying, and shaking, and he'd been in the middle of a panic attack when jungwoo reached him. (jungwoo wondered how he even got as far as to reach his home.)

"that's-- a little irrational, don't you think?" yukhei asked, graciously taking the sleeve jungwoo offered him to wipe away his tears. jungwoo tapped at yukhei's lip with the opposite sleeve, careful not to let his arm fall into the grass when the muscles became tired and he needed a break from working them. jungwoo let his arm fall against his lap instead-- both sleeves falling disappointed across his thighs.

"irrational? there's nothing good for us here, yukhei." jungwoo said. his own eyes had started to brim with tears, "seeing you hurt really sucks, you know? and my scars are multiplying by the day."

"I just mean-- we won't have anything. money, a place to stay-- nothing."

"I don't need that with you, and I hope you won't need that with me either." jungwoo said. he kissed yukhei-- bloody lip and all. he swallowed a drop of blood in his next gulp-- his eyes open in anticipation. he hadn't moved far from yukhei's face. their noses could touch if one of them inched forward any further.

"it's impossible to live on our own right now-- happily, at least." yukhei said. he had looked down, eyes trained on his fingers. he couldn't meet jungwoo's persuasive eyes. he thought it was a good idea, running away. they were both adults-- barely, but they sat upon adulthood with ease. it was no different than childhood, really-- only that their hands were more coordinated, and their shoulders could carry a heavier weight.

"yukhei." jungwoo said, and his voice had cracked that little crack that voices break against when they are about to sob. yukhei couldn't ignore his sorrow, and looked up. there were tears already-- more than before. jungwoo's lips were quivering. he spoke well through his tears-- something yukhei could never do-- "I'm not going to have a happy ending, ever. that was taken from me a long time ago-- before I was born, maybe. I hate to drag you down with me, but we're soulmates, and.... yukhei, I was doomed to die young, but with you I can at least die young and _loved_. I can die young and _happy_  knowing that I wasn't alone in the end."

yukhei couldn't stand the pain in his words, and the truth they held. he couldn't stand the thought of _the love of my life is going to die young with me_. he gathered jungwoo in his arms and hid his face away in jungwoo's shoulder. he cried against the warm comfort-- sobbed against it. he soaked the skin of his beloved, his throat tearing against his frustration. why were he and jungwoo fated this way? after all they had been through, couldn't they just be happy?

"I'm sorry." jungwoo said, gripping yukhei by the subtle curls at the end of his hair, "I'm young and desperate for love and I want to love you for as long as possible but--we don't have long. _I_ don't have long. maybe you'll outlive me. I hope you'll outlive me."

yukhei thought about asking jungwoo why he was so sure he would die young, but he skipped asking. it was the same reason yukhei knew he was right, and that he was fated to the same end. it was just right. it was fitting for their background-- of growing up too soon and watching their childhood die, out of reach from their desperate fingers. it only made sense that a person who grew up quickly would also die quickly.

"I won't." yukhei said. he pulled away from jungwoo, "I'll die with you. I'll run away with you. let's-- let's do it. let's go... die."

" _love_ , and then die." jungwoo corrected. a smile had blossomed upon his lips, and he surged forward to kiss yukhei one last time-- one last time before they began to travel through love, toward death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm actually done this time?


End file.
